I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
