Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
