but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
