I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
