R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
