I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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