saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
