I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
