did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
