I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
