nut hugger
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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