I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
