dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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