i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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