FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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