Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
