the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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