Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
