I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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