when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
