No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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