yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
