upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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