No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i drank out of a bidet.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
