Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
