i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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