Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
