I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
