he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sext me about skeletons
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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