Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
