So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
