OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize