i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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