dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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