I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
