YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
