Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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