did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
