i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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