well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
