Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
