shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
