I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
