Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
