Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
