is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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