I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize