I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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