Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
