The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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