my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
