so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
