You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize