I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
