the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
