he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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