i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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