You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
