I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
