just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
