just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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