if you like me you must not know who I am
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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