Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
