1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Can i not drive my cunt home
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
