I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
