So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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