Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
