I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
