I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
