well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
