this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
