You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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