you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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