i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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