Princesses don't give blow jobs
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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