You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I need moral support for this bender
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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