So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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