So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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