when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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