Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
