she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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