careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
