I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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